i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
