he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
