Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
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