so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So squirting runs in the family.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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