The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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