i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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