i just wanna soil my oats bro
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
