i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize