areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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