oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
