I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
