Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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