I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
