You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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