i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
