I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
