It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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