my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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