When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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