i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
