Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize