My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
