I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
