I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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