Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude i'm inner monologue high
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
