I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
