you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
