you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
