hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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