i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
