Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
