Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
