you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
