I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
