Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
