If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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