I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
