Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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