spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
