apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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