you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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