Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
