That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
