Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
