So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
