his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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