if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
