Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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