I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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