just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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