I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
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I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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