omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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