I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
