Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
