WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
