could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
