I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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